You can read a lot about dementia, but until you experience what we’re going through you don’t know how desperate things can be. I see this club as a fundamentally necessary service. There is so much need in this area - help and companionship are vital.

As Alzheimer's Support's Scots Lane dementia centre nears completion, Jan Marks is all set to be among the first members of the new day club.

Jan and her husband Graham had plans for an active retirement, but a diagnosis of early-onset dementia changed that.

Graham explained: “We moved to Salisbury from Kent to be near our daughter. We wanted to be able to help her and be active with the grandchildren. We had lots of plans, and for that first couple of years of retirement we had wonderful trips to the beach, the New Forest, and great weekends away. We were busy with the grandchildren and used to enjoy doing the school run.

“Looking back, the signs were there in early 2020. We went on a cruise and Jan lost her way and got disorientated on the ship a few times. Then we started noticing more and more signs, and the official diagnosis came in December 2020.”

Jan and Graham grew up in London and got together after Graham plucked up the courage to invite her to see Tommy Cooper in cabaret at Bailey’s nightclub in Watford. “That was 1976 when Jan was 19 and I was 22. We’ve been married for 42 years now.”

They settled in Kent, raising a son and daughter, with Jan having a variety of administrative jobs. Graham said “Jan has always been very caring and as well as office roles, she did some care work. Her last job before retiring was as a teaching assistant in a college, working with children with special needs.”

Our goal is to keep Jan's independence and feeling of normality for as long as possible.

The couple have recently downsized to a retirement flat – a move that should make life easier for Jan. As her dementia has developed, she has needed increasing care and support each day.

Graham said: “You just don’t expect this to happen. I’ve had no training for this and have had to adapt and learn. I openly and unashamedly despair at the cruelty of it. It’s unjust – I feel like we’ve been cheated in life. I feel like I’m losing Jan steadily and our goal is to keep her independence and feeling of normality for as long as possible.”

How Scots Lane will help

Graham is keen to access the support available for Jan at the new day club.

He said: “We want Jan to be able to go out and experience the new club. I also know I need some brief respite, just to have some time to play golf and talk to people. In this situation, if the carers can’t cope, or don’t get a break, it’s a disaster. The club, as well as short spells with home care, are vital.”

Graham is in frequent contact with Alzheimer’s Support’s community fundraiser, Rachel Fear, who keeps him up-to-date with the progress of the Salisbury centre. The picture at the top of the page was taken on a visit to Scots Lane while work was underway.

On Jan’s birthday last year, the family set up a fundraising appeal and shared it on Facebook. They were eager to help make the Salisbury day club happen and to date have raised more than £1,200.

Graham said: “We’ve had so much support; some of our friends, didn’t even know Jan was unwell. Our daughter’s netball club, the Swans, held a charity match and cake sale – I even baked some brownies! Our son has been fundraising at work and has had donations from some very generous colleagues. As well as our fundraiser, the Salisbury netball league have organised a charity event.”

“You can read a lot about dementia, but until you experience what we’re going through you don’t know how desperate things can be. I see this club as a fundamentally necessary service. There is so much need in this area - help and companionship are vital.”

Jan and Graham's fundraising page

More about day care at Alzheimer's Support

Living with dementia